Sunday, August 7, 2011

Black Black Night

This one doesn't count in the voting because it's almost done. I need to re-do the vocals because my little cat, Ella, loves to sing with me and will walk straight up to the mic when my eyes are closed.

So this song is about how I think most of us 20-40 year olds feel. Maybe we will always feel this way.

I was driving in a snowstorm to a friend's house at odd hours of the night and started trancing at the wheel. I had been debating about finishing or quitting school because I don't want to do anything that a degree will get me. I'd make an exceptional lawyer, professor, writer, advertiser, small business owner...but I don't want to be any of those things. I want to be a musician. But I've always told myself that the life of a professional musician is only for wildly talented or the wildly untalented who are lucky enough to push themselves into fame. But not for me. But because that's all I've ever dreamed about, I can't let it go. I feel like I'm stuck in the lines of our society which tries constantly to funnel all of us into tidy little boxes when most of us don't fit any sort of box. I waste my time trying to do what everyone else wants me to do, doing what will get me financial stability...but rarely doing what I want or need to do for ME. I push myself to the point of hope and possible realization, and then stop for some seemingly explainable reason. Whether sabotage or 'Life' I'm not always certain. But there you have it.

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Black Black Night

It’s a black, black night

the witching hour’s upon me

there’s no sign of a horizon

no stars or moon above me

I thought I was speeding for a bed

but I’m already dreaming

it's like someone jammed the frequency

they’re feeding me two realities

reflectors and lines

materialize as I drive

like some mystical airstrip

and I’m piloting an airship

then it occurs to me I have been hovering for years,

But I can’t tell if I’m taking of or landing:

I am speeding; I am pushing;

sailing endlessly into nothing

It’s a black, black night

and I’m rushing into nothing

I am helplessly accepting

the only path I see

craving the next bright beam

and staying in the lines

following faithfully, fearfully

into the unknown

too afraid to set wheels to the ground

or throttle to the stars

am i beginning or ending?

I feel the black impending

too paralysed by Past

to buckle down and make a move

Cuz i can’t tell

(if I should be) taking off or landing

yeah I’m still driving; I am pushing

sailing endlessly into nothing


But I know.

I wasn’t born a square;

It’ll take a lot of toil, a lot of time

to redraw these lines.

It’s a black, black night

intersecting my reality

I am somewhere in America,

a sign says US-50

There is a time:

both for chasing stars and grounding

But I’m driving; I am pushing

sailing endlessly into nothing

Into Nothing.

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