Friday, July 29, 2011

Grief Mediation for Jedi Masters

Sure it's weird name.
This song is about loss. But also about appreciation and love. This song is the highest way I can address loss, which is not always how I feel about it, but how I hope to feel about it once I become a jedi-level master of grief.

The song process started several weeks ago when I read a facebook post about someone losing a material object. I misread the conversation and was struck by the idea of what I thought I read: a husband panicking because of his wife's expression of emotion over loss.
Loss always presents challenge and change. In some ways I've become more wise and compassionate, and in some ways I've become hard and bitter. I think wisdom is the ultimate balanced position when considering that extreme empathy and extreme bitterness generally lead to problems.

Loss can be the coffee mug of special value which you broke. It can be the end of a day. It can be the end of a loved one, a chapter in your life, a friendship. We can't hold anyone or any thing forever -- everything on this planet is finite including our own lives -- so the best and highest that we can achieve is to truly appreciate all that we have for the time that we have it. We will all lose everyone and everything eventually. We all face death alone. At the end of my life I would like to know that I loved Hard. I want to feel the satisfaction of knowing I never missed a sunset, that I enjoyed every bite of food (whether because it's a gourmet feast, or because I am not starving). I want to enjoy the roof over my head, the pillow under it for many do not have these simple things. I want to enjoy my lover, for many do not have true love. I want to enjoy my cats, the sound of water, the feeling of heat on a cold day, conversations with friends.

And I want to get to the point where I understand that loss of one person or one thing is both a sadness and a joy. If all things lasted forever, there would never be a need for more of anything. Crops must die to make room for more to harvest because they cannot continually produce. If people never died, we would have stopped reproducing, or just outcompeted ourselves eons ago. If I never lost a meaningful mug, I would never have sought an equally meaningful experience to remember by buying a new mug. If my childhood pet never passed on, I would never know the joys of the pets I have now. If I'd never lost friends, I wouldn't have all the friends I have now. With every loss we can choose to see it as an opportunity to find a new love. The new loves do not replace the old loves, but add to our experiences of life and joy, and eventual loss again.

We will all lose everything. And yet the twist on the matter is that everything still exists in its own cycle. Some days it's harder to believe than others, but everyone and everything will circle and come around again.

Grief Mediation for Jedi Masters

Don’t panic

Don’t try to make her smile

Don’t distract her or belittle her.

Just Laugh with those who laugh,

and mourn with those who mourn.

It’s okay to feel.

It’s good to walk the molehills and the mountains

All she needs to hear right now

and all she needs know is that

Nothing is eternal

There is an end for everyone, and every Thing.

Maybe, eventually, we could concede

that loss makes room for new love

Don’t push him.

don’t tell him he’s weak

don’t tell him to “man-up”, or soldier on

[life is a river, and sometimes you go under]

It’s good to feel, it’s okay to walk the molehills and the mountains

one day, loss will find you, and you’ll learn the hard way too, that


Big things, small things,

friends, family, lovers, money

They who lose most can choose to love most

I wanna see you love hard, love strong

Everyone, everything, one day you will lose.

and the twist on the matter is that everything will be circles in the end...

They who lose most, love most

and Most Love is best.

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