Kink in the Hose

This song started awhile ago, and then combined with another story in my life to become what I hope to be a very helpful, hopeful, influential, and empowering song.

I was gardening. I was obsessing about the latest political ridiculousness and financial messes in our nation. There was a kink in the hose, obviously. I was amazed at how such a small bend in the rubber could completely stop 40 pounds of pressure behind it. I thought, "That's what we need to do. We need to kink the hoses which keep feeding the problems."

I had one line and a melody for almost two years with nothing else to show.

The rest of the song came after an interaction with a billionaire who wanted to hire me. I didn't want to keep supporting Big Oil, and I didn't want to work for a gay man who exploited gay people by not giving them the marital benefits he and his Life-partner shared.

I was chewing on the incomplete chorus for months. Then one day, at my temp garden job, my friend got a rock in her shoe. It was driving her crazy and she had to stop what she was doing to get the rock out. I about shrieked with excitement -- it was the perfect metaphor! Being a rock in the shoe of the bigwigs we disagree with will force them to stop...maybe only for a few minutes, but if there are enough rocks in enough shoes, and enough kinks in enough hoses, good things will start happening.

So there are two versions:

Kink in the Hose

Kink in the Hose [Street Party Mix]

I also made a big, long explanation of my actual stance on the Occupy Wallstreet and 99% thing. I support the Movements, but I am not a socialist. The End. Go here to read more...

Freyja Cried

I wrote this song about a year ago hoping to capture the beauty I feel in aspen forests.

Click here to hear or download for free.

Freyja is a goddess in the Old Norse pantheon who fell in love with Odin and cried tears of red gold for her unrequited love. I was thinking of the red-gold leaves of aspen which are tear-shaped and was struck by the idea that they could be part of a greater myth. We have few myths in America other than the 'American Dream' and other pointless and unromantic cultural stories.

As I started writing a little poem about it, I was also struck by the notion that I'd only heard of male entities 'sacrificing' themselves for the good of the people. Were female sacrifices invalid, or unimportant, or just lost in the waves of time due to the illiteracy of women? Freyja had to give up on love to be the fertility goddess, and because her lover was already 'married.' I like to think we could close the loop and offer honor to the sacrifices and duties of women, who offer their bodies and minds to the generations to come.

Freyja cried, she cried tears of red-gold.
She cried for unrequited love; this is her sacrifice.
TIme passes, does Freyja still cry?
I know she cries for unrequited love.
This is her sacrifice.

I walked in the mountains,
I walked in the forest,
and I saw her flattened tears
held up in the arms of the aspen.
Tears of gold, and red-gold
lifted back to the sky for a blessing
before falling softly, and feeding green to come.

Her.

New song up!

And after I walked away from the computer for a bit, it all fell into place. How d'ya like that?!

Listen to or Download for FREE!

Black Black Night

recording

Recording is lengthy.

grr.

I'm truly blessed to have everything I need to record, but it's pretty hard trying to figure it all out alone with no background in music programming/mixing. I just spent two hours trying to re-record the main vocals to a song which is otherwise done. It will have to wait for another day as I can't seem to get my mixing right.

Whenever you hear from bands how exhausted they are from 'recording' and you think to yourself (as I once did), "oh, so you sat on your ass and played for fun and got paid? Poor You!" know that it really is exhausting.

Kink in the Hose

This song started awhile ago, and then combined with another story in my life to become what I hope to be a very helpful, hopeful, influential, and empowering song.

I was gardening. I was obsessing about the latest political ridiculousness and financial messes in our nation. There was a kink in the hose, obviously. I was amazed at how such a small bend in the rubber could completely stop 40 pounds of pressure behind it. I thought, "That's what we need to do. We need to kink the hoses which keep feeding the problems."

I had one line and a melody for almost two years with nothing else to show.

The rest of the song came after an interaction with a billionaire who wanted to hire me. I didn't want to keep supporting Big Oil, and I didn't want to work for a gay man who exploited gay people by not giving them the marital benefits he and his Life-partner shared.

I was chewing on the incomplete chorus for months. Then one day, at my temp garden job, my friend got a rock in her shoe. It was driving her crazy and she had to stop what she was doing to get the rock out. I about shrieked with excitement -- it was the perfect metaphor! Being a rock in the shoe of the bigwigs we disagree with will force them to stop...maybe only for a few minutes, but if there are enough rocks in enough shoes, and enough kinks in enough hoses, good things will start happening.

So there are two versions:

Kink in the Hose

Kink in the Hose [Street Party Mix]

I also made a big, long explanation of my actual stance on the Occupy Wallstreet and 99% thing. I support the Movements, but I am not a socialist. The End. Go here to read more...

Bindweed

This song was written out of two colliding stories in my life. One was the emotional rape of my partner by the woman who had dated my partner's father for a year before he suddenly died, then sued her and her sister for their inheritance. The subsequent breakdown of her family relationships, her ability to trust people, her ability to handle even small stressful events has just made me even more angry at this evil person. I finally had to find some way to deal with the pain of watching what one woman did to three other women, so this song started.

The other story was one in which I feared that a new female friend of some married friends (who we'll call Bob and Jane) was infatuated with Bob. I can't tell if Bob knew or not. I know that Jane could tell but stuffed it down inside her. The lack of communication and trust between Jane and Bob about this new friend worried me, but as there was no proof and no reason to interfere in their lives, I kept silent and turned my concern into a song that I hope can help others.

Bindweed

From a distance, you look like a morning glory

But I know.

You creep, you climb like an ivy

But I know

I know your name.

chorus

Bindweed: just tryin’ to get by, stealing sun from another woman’s sky

Bindweed: again and again, windin' up somebody else’s stem

oh, Bindweed: get back! you can’t go looting for something you lack

Bind weed, I said, I don’t allow weeds in my or my friends’ beds.

I’d choose a wildflower over a rose any day

but you’re a weed

somewhere along the way, you gave up your sanctity.

now you’re just a weed

And I know your name...

chorus

You thought you could do the math, you thought one and one was two

you thought you could substitute, but we all know, don’t we now.

You thought Love was just a word [you could use] to get your 5th ring

[but we all] we all know the truth: he never loved, he never loved you, oooh

(chorus)

Epilogue:

Was it worth it?

I know the Universal Math.

Was it worth it?

And I know the rule of Three's.

Was it worth it?

And I know you'll end up dried up on the side walk

all alone

and you'll ask yourself,

"Was it worth it?"

Black Black Night

This one doesn't count in the voting because it's almost done. I need to re-do the vocals because my little cat, Ella, loves to sing with me and will walk straight up to the mic when my eyes are closed.

So this song is about how I think most of us 20-40 year olds feel. Maybe we will always feel this way.

I was driving in a snowstorm to a friend's house at odd hours of the night and started trancing at the wheel. I had been debating about finishing or quitting school because I don't want to do anything that a degree will get me. I'd make an exceptional lawyer, professor, writer, advertiser, small business owner...but I don't want to be any of those things. I want to be a musician. But I've always told myself that the life of a professional musician is only for wildly talented or the wildly untalented who are lucky enough to push themselves into fame. But not for me. But because that's all I've ever dreamed about, I can't let it go. I feel like I'm stuck in the lines of our society which tries constantly to funnel all of us into tidy little boxes when most of us don't fit any sort of box. I waste my time trying to do what everyone else wants me to do, doing what will get me financial stability...but rarely doing what I want or need to do for ME. I push myself to the point of hope and possible realization, and then stop for some seemingly explainable reason. Whether sabotage or 'Life' I'm not always certain. But there you have it.

Click HERE to play or download for FREE!

Black Black Night

It’s a black, black night

the witching hour’s upon me

there’s no sign of a horizon

no stars or moon above me

I thought I was speeding for a bed

but I’m already dreaming

it's like someone jammed the frequency

they’re feeding me two realities

reflectors and lines

materialize as I drive

like some mystical airstrip

and I’m piloting an airship

then it occurs to me I have been hovering for years,

But I can’t tell if I’m taking of or landing:

I am speeding; I am pushing;

sailing endlessly into nothing

It’s a black, black night

and I’m rushing into nothing

I am helplessly accepting

the only path I see

craving the next bright beam

and staying in the lines

following faithfully, fearfully

into the unknown

too afraid to set wheels to the ground

or throttle to the stars

am i beginning or ending?

I feel the black impending

too paralysed by Past

to buckle down and make a move

Cuz i can’t tell

(if I should be) taking off or landing

yeah I’m still driving; I am pushing

sailing endlessly into nothing

Bridge:

But I know.

I wasn’t born a square;

It’ll take a lot of toil, a lot of time

to redraw these lines.

It’s a black, black night

intersecting my reality

I am somewhere in America,

a sign says US-50

There is a time:

both for chasing stars and grounding

But I’m driving; I am pushing

sailing endlessly into nothing

Into Nothing.

Song Choices

So,

As I said a little earlier, I have several songs which I've been working on. I'm going to post the words and meanings, and then hold a vote. The vote will close Friday, and then I'll start working on whichever song has the most votes. Just leave a comment as your vote. Let's try...you could have two votes.

I'll try to get up all the songs soon and I'll let you know when I've posted the last one.

YAY!

...UPDATE...

I forgot I was going out of town this week and wouldn't have time to post everything by Friday...and no one's really paying attention anyway, so I'll try it again for next Friday.

Grief Mediation for Jedi Masters

[Click to play] Grief Mediation for Jedi Masters [raw]

Sure it's weird name.

This song is about loss. But also about appreciation and love. This song is the highest way I can address loss, which is not always how I feel about it, but how I hope to feel about it once I become a jedi-level master of grief.

The song process started several weeks ago when I read a facebook post about someone losing a material object. I misread the conversation and was struck by the idea of what I thought I read: a husband panicking because of his wife's expression of emotion over loss.

Loss always presents challenge and change. In some ways I've become more wise and compassionate, and in some ways I've become hard and bitter. I think wisdom is the ultimate balanced position when considering that extreme empathy and extreme bitterness generally lead to problems.

Loss can be the coffee mug of special value which you broke. It can be the end of a day. It can be the end of a loved one, a chapter in your life, a friendship. We can't hold anyone or any thing forever -- everything on this planet is finite including our own lives -- so the best and highest that we can achieve is to truly appreciate all that we have for the time that we have it. We will all lose everyone and everything eventually. We all face death alone. At the end of my life I would like to know that I loved Hard. I want to feel the satisfaction of knowing I never missed a sunset, that I enjoyed every bite of food (whether because it's a gourmet feast, or because I am not starving). I want to enjoy the roof over my head, the pillow under it for many do not have these simple things. I want to enjoy my lover, for many do not have true love. I want to enjoy my cats, the sound of water, the feeling of heat on a cold day, conversations with friends.

And I want to get to the point where I understand that loss of one person or one thing is both a sadness and a joy. If all things lasted forever, there would never be a need for more of anything. Crops must die to make room for more to harvest because they cannot continually produce. If people never died, we would have stopped reproducing, or just outcompeted ourselves eons ago. If I never lost a meaningful mug, I would never have sought an equally meaningful experience to remember by buying a new mug. If my childhood pet never passed on, I would never know the joys of the pets I have now. If I'd never lost friends, I wouldn't have all the friends I have now. With every loss we can choose to see it as an opportunity to find a new love. The new loves do not replace the old loves, but add to our experiences of life and joy, and eventual loss again.

We will all lose everything. And yet the twist on the matter is that everything still exists in its own cycle. Some days it's harder to believe than others, but everyone and everything will circle and come around again.

Grief Mediation for Jedi Masters

Don’t panic

Don’t try to make her smile

Don’t distract her or belittle her.

Just Laugh with those who laugh,

and mourn with those who mourn.

It’s okay to feel.

It’s good to walk the molehills and the mountains

All she needs to hear right now

and all she needs know is that

Nothing is eternal

There is an end for everyone, and every Thing.

Maybe, eventually, we could concede

that loss makes room for new love

Don’t push him.

don’t tell him he’s weak

don’t tell him to “man-up”, or soldier on

[life is a river, and sometimes you go under]

It’s good to feel, it’s okay to walk the molehills and the mountains

one day, loss will find you, and you’ll learn the hard way too, that

chorus

Big things, small things,

friends, family, lovers, money

They who lose most can choose to love most

I wanna see you love hard, love strong

Everyone, everything, one day you will lose.

and the twist on the matter is that everything will be circles in the end...

They who lose most, love most

and Most Love is best.

The First Post is Always Awkward

Yup.

So, I'm assuming the first people looking at this will just be my friends...

I usually go through phases of inspiration and writer's block with my songwriting. Over the past year or so I've had a lot of experiences I've needed to process, and have been amazingly inspired while at work in the last few months. In all, I've probably got 5 or 6 songs in the works. I've got more than that which are older and I need to record, or finish recording. I'm also trying to find time to record some live ones that I can post to YouTube.

I thought I might try some sort of interactive voting to help me figure out where to start. I'm not sure how I'll do that yet, but it sounds fun.